Helping Children understand Divorce (3)
How divorced parents can modify their own behaviors and help their children of different ages to adjust to the divorce?
Infants
What parents can do for infants
- Keep normal schedules and routines.
- Reassure infants of your continued presence with physical affection and loving words.
- Keep children’s favorite toys, blankets or stuffed animals close at hand.
Toddlers
What parents can do for toddlers
- Spend more time with children when preparing to separate (e.g., arrive 10 to 15 minutes earlier than usual when you take your child to child care).
- Provide physical and verbal reassurance of your love.
- Show understanding of child’s distress; recognize that, given time and support, old behaviors (thumbsucking) will disappear and newly developed skills (toilet training) will reappear.
- Talk with other important adults and caregivers about how to support your child during this transition time.
Preschool and early elementary children
What parents can do for preschool and early elementary children
- Repeatedly tell children that they are not responsible for the divorce.
- Reassure children of how their needs will be met and of who will take care of them.
- Talk with children about their thoughts and feelings; be sensitive to children’s fears.
- Plan a schedule of time for children to spend with their other parent. Be supportive of children’s ongoing relationship with the other parent.
- Read books together about children and divorce.
- Gently, and matter-of-factly, remind children that the divorce is final and that parents will not get back together again.
Preteens and adolescents
What parents can do for preteens and adolescents
- Maintain open lines of communication with children; reassure children of your love and continued involvement in their lives.
- Whenever possible, both parents need to stay involved in children’s lives, know children’s friends, what they do together, and keep up with children’s progress at school and in other activities.
- Honor family rituals and routines (Sunday dinner, weeknight homework time, grocery shopping together, watching favorite television shows or movies as a family).
- If you need to increase children’s household responsibilities, assign chores and tasks that are age-appropriate (help with laundry, housecleaning, yardwork, meal preparations); show appreciation for children’s contributions.
- Avoid using teenagers as confidants; plan special time for yourself with adult friends and family members.
- Tell children who will be attending special occasions such as sporting events and graduation ceremonies, especially if you plan to take a new romantic partner.
references: http://extension.missouri.edu/xplor/hesguide/humanrel/gh6600.htm
posted by maggie kok mei kay @ 9:45 AM
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